Beating up on my face was the way I broke up the day, the way I sought comfort from the existential unknowns. While some people perfected their sourdough or TikToks during the pandemic, I took everything out on my face, obsessively picking apart my appearance to self-soothe through the months of blinding sameness. For me, the COVID-19 pandemic unleashed an unprecedented siege of self-criticism that began when I was an awkward 13-year-old with a mouth full of metal and plain-Jane brown hair. Theories suggest that one or multiple past traumas demeaning our sense of self are at the root of this pathological self-loathing thought process. It’s similar to obsessive-compulsive disorder in that it involves a preoccupation or obsession with “defects” in one’s appearance that are out of proportion to the perceived defect. Dave Rabin, who founded the Apollo Clinic, where he specializes in treatment-resistant mental health disorders, I have facial dysmorphia. traffic.)Īccording to neuroscientist and psychiatrist Dr. (When there’s no Zoom, there’s my car rearview mirror to contend with, the No. Rationally, I know that I am what society considers generally attractive and that staring down my flaws won’t make them disappear. I Zoom and then zoom into my reflection only to be confronted with hooded eyes with puffy bags, what appears to be aging skin (did I have those wrinkles an hour ago?) and grooved lines above my top lip, which is a new one. The last three years of nonstop, stare-at-yourself screen time have not helped. I have no idea how to stop looking at, loathing and critiquing every nook and cranny of my face.
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